Communicating with Toddlers through Feeling

Something I've been intentionally noticing (or being mindful of) the past few weeks with my 16 month old is my methods of communication. As a parent of a toddler who is learning how to speak, I am constantly talking to her, repeating my words, and engaging in verbal communication. Children learn most from observing others, so it's important, but there is also so much power in a different type of communication for our littles. One that doesn't require any words, just actions. Let's chat about nonverbal communication and how to connect with your toddler in a variety of ways.

Often as adults we overestimate a child’s emotional intelligence by trying to rationalize, offer solutions, etc. - but working through tantrums can be much simpler. Hard at times, yes. But simple. When communicating with toddlers who are in distress, words are often the least effective method. If we are trying to change our toddler's behavior, we tend to rely on verbal instruction. I posted a reel this week with a quote I read in Hunt, Gather, Parent that said "toddlers don't live by their intellect, they live by their feelings." We know that our children's brains are not fully developed. They don't have the skills yet to be able to rationalize with us. So when we use words to try to change behavior, it often is too much for them to comprehend. So what nonverbal methods of communication can we use?

Here are three of my favorite methods of communication for a toddler in the middle of a meltdown.

One ~

I get close to my toddler. I pick her up and either, hold her close, OR dance with her. Stillness or movement. I know as soon as I pick her up which one she needs based on her body language. Is she leaning into the cuddle because she needs calm? Or is she acrobat-ing her way out of my arms because her body needs to move.

Two ~

I ask her to help me with something. It's a distraction from what she is currently upset over. As adults, the last thing we should do when we are upset is run away from the feeling. I believe we should sit with the discomfort and study it a little... but toddlers? Again, their brains aren't ready for that. So when my daughter is crying over something irrational (but very rational in her eyes), I distract her by encouraging her to join me in a chore. This promotes teamwork and togetherness - two things that toddlers thrive with. Win-win.

Three ~

I take her outside. This one is golden and obvious. Children love being outdoors. They love being in nature. It's the best place to find presence and calm.

As a new mother learning how to navigate these early years of my child's life with mindfulness, I know that the best way to help her find calm is by modeling calm. Tantrums are a great opportunity for us to practice this. Our children’s emotions and energy mirror their adult's. So when we respond to anger with calm, we break the cycle of anger. It also breaks power struggles.

I don’t teach mindfulness because I’m a perfect example of peace and presence - I teach it because I see how profound the practice is in helping me feel regulated after a tough moment in our day. Mindfulness helps me pause before I respond so I can most effectively communicate.

Before we can expect our children to regulate their internal states, we have to be able to regulate ours. That’s why I’m so passionate about practicing and teaching mindfulness myself and with my children. That's why I'm creating my new course where I share my favorite mindfulness practices from years of teaching yoga and mindfulness to adults and children. Get on the waitlist here and grab your free guide to the 8-Limbed Path of Yoga, sent straight to your inbox for instant download.